Breaking Free from Gender Stereotypes for My Little Boy
As a new mom to a beautiful baby boy, I find myself constantly marveling at his delicate innocence. With his tiny fingers and curious eyes, he looks to me for comfort, safety, and unconditional love.
Yet, to my dismay, I have been confronted with a prevailing mindset that insists on hardening boys from an early age. This sentiment has been echoed not only by society but also my husband, my mother, and father-in-law through phrases like, “We need to toughen him up.” As if being a #boymom isn’t hard enough.
In this article:
Personal Experiences with the “Toughen Up” Mentality
The Influence of #BoyMom Culture
Understanding the Needs of Boys and Emotional Development
The Dangers of Suppressing Emotions in Boys
Raising Emotionally Healthy Boys: Redefining Strength and Emotional Resilience
Personal Experiences with the “Toughen Up” Mentality
It started with my mom. I watched her play with my four-month-old baby boy—her grandson—in a way I considered a little too rough. When I asked her to be gentler, she dismissively waved me off with that classic, “Oh, he’s a boy! We need to toughen him up!” As if suggesting that my tiny, helpless infant was training for a bar fight.
And then, not too long ago, my sister-in-law had a near-identical moment with her father. Except this time, the "toughen up" talk wasn't about rough play—it was about my nephew being bullied by my son. Apparently, my father-in-law had been saying the same thing back home, reinforcing this nonsense every time his younger grandson showed a hint of vulnerability.
But my sister-in-law? She wasn’t having it. She went full-force, screaming at him with a fury I wish I’d expressed at my mother. She threatened that if he didn’t drop that toxic mindset immediately, he wouldn’t be seeing his grandson again.
Watching it unfold from the sidelines, instead of being the one directly involved, hit differently. It made me realize why these so-called "harmless" comments sting us mothers so much… because these "weak boys" are our babies.
When people throw around phrases like that, it feels like a direct criticism of how we’re raising them. Like our parenting isn’t measuring up to some outdated, macho ideal.
We’re not living in our parents’ generation anymore, and we sure as hell don’t need to drag their antiquated ideas about masculinity into our children’s futures.
The Influence of #BoyMom Culture
This whole “#BoyMom” culture doesn’t help. You know the type—the ones who wear the title like a badge of honor and act as if their kid is destined for either the NFL or a monster truck rally because, well, he’s got XY chromosomes.
They treat scraped knees as war wounds and meltdowns as personal failures. And the worst part? They love the “toughen up” mantra. They reinforce it, emblazoning it on matching T-shirts and Instagram captions about their “little bruiser.”
Related: Why We Need to Give The Two Types of Boy Moms a Damn Break
Understanding the Needs of Boys and Emotional Development
My baby, your baby, all babies—are babies. They need love, comfort, and reassurance. They need to be held gently, their cries met with warmth, and their emotions acknowledged instead of dismissed. Yet somehow, we’re still stuck in this bizarre, outdated loop where boys are expected to “man up” before they can even sit up on their own.
The Dangers of Suppressing Emotions in Boys
What does this mentality actually accomplish? It teaches boys that:
Emotions are a weakness.
Gentleness is something to outgrow.
Pain should be swallowed instead of acknowledged.
It creates men who struggle to express their feelings, who bottle up sadness until it turns into rage, and who don’t know how to process vulnerability without seeing it as some kind of failure. And studies on emotional intelligence and child development support these concerns.
Gender Stereotypes in Media
Media often portrays men in traditional roles, reinforcing stereotypes that discourage emotional expression. For instance, men are frequently depicted as less involved in childcare activities, which is why modern fathers are failing to see the invisible load mothers carry. It perpetuates the notion that nurturing is a feminine trait.
Parental Influence on Gender Roles
Research indicates that traditional gender roles in parenting contribute to the reinforcement of these stereotypes. Women often perform more household chores and childcare, while men engage less in these activities, modeling limited emotional involvement for their sons.
Raising Emotionally Healthy Boys: Redefining Strength and Emotional Resilience
Resilience isn’t built by denying emotions—it’s built by learning how to process them. The strongest men I know aren’t the ones who were “toughened up” as babies. They’re the ones:
Who were allowed to cry.
To be comforted.
To feel safe enough to express themselves.
They grew into men who can stand up for themselves and empathize with others. That’s the kind of strength I want for my son.
So, no, I will not be “toughening him up.” I will not subscribe to this ridiculous idea that boys need to be manhandled into emotional suppression. My son will be raised to know that:
His feelings are valid.
His softness is not a flaw.
He never has to choose between being strong and being kind.
Because real strength isn’t about hiding emotions—it’s about understanding them. If anyone has a problem with that? Well, I guess they’ll just have to toughen up and deal with it.
Updated Mar 13, 2025
References:
Cosslett, R. L. (2024, October 25). Don’t ‘boy mum’ me. These stereotypes around raising children do enormous harm. The Guardian. Retrieved from https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2024/oct/25/boy-mum-stereotypes-raising-children
Geena Davis Institute. (2023, March 6). Geena Davis Institute. Wikipedia. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geena_Davis_Institute
Global Media Monitoring Project. (2023, July 12). The Global Media Monitoring Project. Wikipedia. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Global_Media_Monitoring_Project
Macharia, S. (2021, November). 6th Global Media Monitoring Project (GMMP) 2020. Global Media Monitoring Project. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Global_Media_Monitoring_Project
Remeikis, A. (2025, March 7). Australian women are doing 50% more housework than men. It’s creating ‘volcanic levels of resentment’. The Guardian. Retrieved from https://www.theguardian.com/world/2025/mar/07/australian-women-are-doing-50-more-housework-than-men-its-creating-volcanic-levels-of-resentment
The Sun. (2025, February 12). New study reveals how film and TV reinforce the gender investment gap. The Sun. Retrieved from https://www.thesun.co.uk/money/33231324/study-reveals-how-film-tv-reinforce-gender-investment-gap
Vox. (2025, March 7). The problem with dating? Your standards might be too high. Vox. Retrieved from https://www.vox.com/even-better/402929/standards-expectations-dating-qualities-money-attractiveness
Wikipedia contributors. (2023, March 6). Geena Davis Institute. In Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geena_Davis_Institute
Wikipedia contributors. (2023, July 12). The Global Media Monitoring Project. In Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Global_Media_Monitoring_Project
