The Sharenting Sh*tshow: To Post or Not to Post Your Kids' Pics
“Sharenting” — a not-so-clever mashup of “sharing” and “parenting” — is when your kid's face becomes a billboard for your digital life. Some parents treat their feed like a scrapbook from hell, while others are more guarded. Is plastering your kids' mugs all over the internet really a good idea? Is it so bad?
Deciding whether to share my son’s photos on social media felt like a battle between my inner voyeur and a fierce desire to keep him safe from the digital masses. I had shared my pregnancy journey with baby bump photos and videos of him kicking. As the saying goes, in for an inch...
From Private to Public
The very first post was cautious—a story featuring my newborn in the hospital's clear bassinet, taken from about 10 feet away. The caption read, "Finally got that project done." A clever nod to the grueling labor process while keeping his little face out of view.
The next one—a few days later—was a carousel of black-and-white hospital photos capturing our new family of three. It included the very first picture of my son, about five seconds after his grand exit, covered in all the glorious goo of birth. It felt intimate, raw, and beautiful.
Before unleashing these precious moments onto the internet, I shared the news with immediate family and very close friends. I told myself that posting on my socials, complete with his height and weight like a prized fish, was to fend off dozens of phone calls from curious and excited extended family. The truth is I was just so happy and proud of my baby and me.
The Pros and Cons of Sharenting
Pros
Memories on Demand: Easy access to all those adorable moments. Baby's first steps? Right there on your timeline. No digging through dusty photo albums.
Family Connection: Keeps the grandparents and far-off relatives in the loop. Your aunt in Iowa can see little Timmy’s school play without the 12-hour drive.
Community Support: Parenting is rough. Sharing your struggles and triumphs can create a supportive online village. Someone, somewhere, has definitely dealt with that diaper blowout at 3 a.m.
Documentation: Let's be honest, your phone is more likely to stay in one piece than a printed photo. Digital memories last longer... theoretically.
Educational Sharing: Sharing tips, activities, and milestones can be educational for other parents.
Positive Reinforcement: Highlighting achievements can boost your child’s self-esteem as they get older and see these memories.
Encouraging Hobbies and Interests: Sharing their achievements in sports, arts, and academics can encourage their passions.
Documenting Growth: This is a time of significant change and development, and documenting these moments can be meaningful for both you and your child.
Shared Interests: Engaging in social media together can strengthen your bond and open discussions about safe online behavior.
Personal Branding: Teens are often building their online personas. Sharing positive aspects of their lives can contribute to a healthy digital identity.
Cons
Privacy Invasion: Your kid has no say in their digital footprint. Imagine your most embarrassing childhood moment — now imagine it’s on the internet forever.
Security Risks: Predators, identity thieves, you name it. Posting personal details can make your kid a target.
Consent Issues: Toddlers can't consent to having their faces broadcast to your 1,000 “friends.” When they’re older, this might piss them off — big time.
Commercial Exploitation: Using your kid to get likes, follows, and freebies is just tacky. They’re not props for your personal brand.
Digital Overexposure: Constant posting can lead to overexposure, where your child's every moment is on display, potentially overwhelming them as they grow.
Judgment and Criticism: The more you share, the more you open yourself up to judgment and unsolicited advice from others who think they know better.
Loss of Control: Once a photo is online, it’s out there forever. You lose control over who sees it and how it’s used.
Impact on Child’s Future: Embarrassing or personal details shared now can affect your child’s future opportunities and relationships.
Family Disputes: Not all family members may agree on what should be shared, leading to potential conflicts.
Emotional Impact: Over-sharing can impact your child’s emotional well-being, making them feel like they are constantly under a spotlight.
Control, Consent, and Going Viral
Over the past year, I’ve had a love-hate relationship with sharenting. I’ve played a game of digital tug-of-war, posting and then deleting posts off TikTok. One video of my son unexpectedly went viral, amassing tens of thousands of likes and hundreds of saves. Normally, I'd be thrilled to go viral, but something felt off about millions of strangers having access to my baby.
Obviously, not so bad that I don’t share his image on this website (he’s compensated).
My Facebook and Instagram accounts are private, offering an illusion of control, but I can’t control other people’s accounts. Some family members, including my parents, share pictures of him without asking.
It’s as if once he left my body, he became public domain, available to not just the people in our lives but to the people in their lives as well. Any battle for my son’s digital privacy would be a losing one.
The Donkey Farm Incident: A Lesson in Digital Boundaries
Ah, the joys of holiday outings. Last Christmas, we decided to take a festive trip to a local donkey farm. My son, his grandmothers, and I were all geared up for some seasonal cheer and a dose of adorable donkey antics. It was supposed to be a simple, joyous day out. But, like any good parenting story, it didn’t take long for things to get weird.
We had barely been there 10 minutes when a woman pointed her professional camera lens on my son. With her finger on the trigger, she nonchalantly asked if she could take a photo for the farm’s website. No biggie, right? Except it felt like it was.
I mean, I get it. Smiling kid, cute donkey, perfect holiday scene. But what she didn’t seem to get was the concept of consent. My son’s image isn’t free real estate for your marketing materials, lady.
Here’s the thing: a fancy camera doesn’t give you the right to snap away at other people’s kids, especially not for commercial use. That brief encounter was a stark reminder of how important it is to set boundaries and protect our kids' privacy, even in seemingly innocuous settings.
The Legal Lowdown
So, can anyone just snap a pic of your kid at the park and post it? The answer is a murky “it depends.”
In the US, there's no federal law protecting kids' privacy when they're in public. If you’re out at the grocery store, legally, someone can take your kid’s picture.
However, some states have stricter laws. For instance, anti-paparazzi laws in California can apply to regular folks, too, if the photo-taking is considered harassment.
But what about sharing those pics? If someone starts making money off your kid's image without your consent, you might have grounds for a lawsuit. Check your state’s laws and maybe keep a lawyer on speed dial.
Show Me the Money: Profiting from Your Kid's Life
Let’s talk dollars and cents. Some parents are raking in serious cash from their kids’ social media fame. The LeBrant Family, the Ace Family, and other YouTube darlings make bank off their kiddos’ daily lives.
The question is, where’s the kid’s cut? Your child’s adorableness is generating ad revenue, brand deals, and sponsorships. Ethically, they should be compensated.
Legally, it’s a gray area. Some states, like California, have laws requiring a portion of the earnings to be set aside in a trust for the child. But in most places, it’s the Wild West. Parents can pocket every penny.
Parents, if you’re going to turn your kid into a content cash cow, at least do the right thing. Set up a trust, start their retirement accounts, and fund a 529. Ensure they get their fair share. Someday, they’ll thank you — or at least not sue you.
The Rebellion: Kids vs. Sharenting
Guess what? Older kids are fighting back. They’re fed up with being digital trophies. It’s called the “Face Block” movement. Teens and tweens are literally covering their faces in family photos. It’s their not-so-subtle way of saying, “Get my face off your feed, Mom!”
They’re tired of being “cute content.” They want control over their own images. Decades after my budding puberty, I still remember the teenage embarrassment of even being seen in public with my parents. The internet is like toothpaste out of the tube, and these nearly young adults are saving face from cringy parent accounts.
Consent and Posting by Age
While the digital landscape can be a minefield, it also offers some pretty amazing opportunities to connect, share, and celebrate your child’s milestones. The key? Navigating consent and being mindful of what you post, especially as your child grows.
Here’s a breakdown of how to do it by age.
Infants and Toddlers (0-2 Years) Consent and Posting Tips:
At this age, consent is obviously not possible. The responsibility lies entirely with the parents.
Focus on sharing milestone moments rather than daily life to keep it special.
Consider privacy settings to ensure only close family and friends can view your posts.
Early Childhood (3-6 Years) Consent and Posting Tips:
Start involving your child in the process. Ask if they want to share a picture or story.
Respect their comfort levels. If they’re shy or reluctant, skip the post.
Continue using privacy settings to control who sees your content.
School Age (7-12 Years) Consent and Posting Tips:
Obtain explicit consent. Explain where the photo will be posted and who will see it.
Discuss the concept of a digital footprint and why privacy matters.
Empower your child by letting them choose what to share and what to keep private.
Teenagers (13-18 Years) Consent and Posting Tips:
Respect their autonomy. Always ask for permission before posting anything involving them.
Discuss the long-term impact of online sharing and digital footprints.
Encourage them to manage their own social media accounts responsibly.
The key is to adapt your approach as your child grows. By involving your child in the process and respecting their boundaries, you can create a positive and supportive digital presence that they’ll appreciate in the years to come. You can celebrate your child’s journey while safeguarding their privacy and autonomy.
