10 Things Every New Mom Should Know
Becoming a parent for the first time is this weird cocktail of “OMG, I made a person” and “Holy crap, what have I done?” It’s life-altering, sure — but not in the sun-drenched, Instagram-filtered way you’ve been sold. Motherhood isn’t all snuggles and scrapbook moments. It’s sleepless nights, mismatched socks, and discovering just how far your patience can stretch before it snaps.
Let me just say it outright: You don’t need to love every second of motherhood. It’s okay to miss your old life, your independence, or even your ability to pee without an audience. Loving your kid and mourning the version of you before them aren’t mutually exclusive.
Here are some truths about motherhood you won’t find embroidered on a throw pillow.
1. Your Birth Plan is a Suggestion, Not a Script
Dreaming of a candlelit delivery with soft music and zero drama? Cute. Only the moment labor and contractions kick in, your beautifully crafted plan is basically toilet paper in a hurricane. You can curate a playlist and bring a scented candle, but childbirth is unpredictable.
Sure, it’s helpful for your medical team to know what you want, but don’t cling too tight. Your body and that tiny human you’re evicting don’t know (or care) about your plan. When things veer off course (because they probably will), you’re not failing — you’re adapting. Motherhood is 90% winging it anyway, so consider this your first crash course.
And the unpredictability doesn’t stop in the delivery room.
Milk supply on strike?
Baby partying at 3 a.m.?
Not ‘bouncing back’ at the 6-week mark?
It’s not you. It’s the gig. So, cut yourself some slack, grab a coffee (or wine), and roll with it. Parenthood isn’t scripted; it’s an improv show with diaper blowouts and zero intermission. You’re doing just fine, even when it feels like you’re barely holding on.
2. Instant Bonding is a Myth for Some Moms
Forget the fairy tale narratives of an instant cosmic connection the moment your baby enters the world. When the doctor laid my son on my chest, I was riding a fentanyl high from my epidural. I was a zombie in a hospital gown. I didn’t feel a maternal connection — I didn’t feel much of anything. In fact, some of the thoughts I remember having included:
Why is he so ugly?
I did all that for THAT?!
WTF are they doing down there?
Why is a nurse wearing a crown and sash?
Forget the cinematic moment where you lock eyes with your newborn and angels sing. That might happen, but it’s more likely you’ll feel overwhelmed, exhausted, or wondering how the hell you’re supposed to keep this tiny human alive. And that’s normal.
If you find yourself eye-rolling at that Instagram mom who's apparently relishing every moment of motherhood with her perfectly brushed hair and glossed-up lips, remind yourself: she’s probably lying. I can give you a list of reasons why their life looks perfect but probably isn’t.
It can take days, weeks, or maybe even months to experience a profound, heart-melting maternal love. You’re not broken. You’re tired. And tired moms don’t need guilt; they need sleep.
3. Learn to Say Yes
Here’s your mantra for surviving new motherhood: say yes like your life depends on it—because, honestly, it might. New moms often feel like they have to do it all. You don’t. You shouldn’t.
Say yes if a friend offers to bring you food
Say yes if your mother-in-law proposes babysitting so you can enjoy literally anything without baby duty.
Say yes when your partner suggests you take some “me-time.”
Saying yes doesn’t mean you’re weak or can’t handle it. It means you’re human. So, say yes to help, yes to rest, and yes to a moment of being a person — not only a mom.
During the first year, my stepmom came over once a week for six glorious hours, and let me tell you, those hours were sacred. At first, I used them for the basics — showering, eating warm food, and even sitting in silence like a feral raccoon seeing daylight for the first time.
But as time went on, I figured out how to use those hours to do more. This blog? Born in those breaks.
4. Breastfeeding is Hard
Breastfeeding can be painful and downright impossible for some. Brace yourself for the Breastfeeding Brigade — it's like a cult, but with lactation consultants.
And after the hospital’s lactation consultant shoved my newborn’s face into me like he was a barn animal, I politely told her to go f--- herself. Let me tell you, it wasn’t the bonding moment I was promised.
No one is an expert on your journey. Counter to the consultant’s physical advice to smother my kid with my boob, my kid just needed to do it his way — on his terms. Go figure. We’re a family of stubborn people, so I shouldn’t have been surprised.
If you choose to breastfeed, it's okay if it's not all rainbows and latching unicorns from day one. It might be a bumpy start, and that's absolutely normal. Every baby is unique and will learn differently. Do what feels right for you, and don't let anyone guilt-trip you about it.
If breastfeeding doesn't work for you, formula is a superhero too. It’s not a compromise; it’s a lifeline. Your worth as a parent isn’t tied to how you feed your baby. You can be an A+ parent with a happy, chubby-cheeked baby without going the breastfeeding route.
Breast, bottle, formula—whatever works for your sanity and your family. The parenting police don’t get a vote in your choices. Do what feels right, and let go of the guilt. Fed is best, and you’re doing great—leaky boobs, formula cans, and all.
5. Find Your People
Motherhood is lonely. You need a tribe who gets it — other moms trudging through the same spit-up-stained trenches. Picture a support group where everyone's sharing war stories about diaper blowouts and sleepless nights. It's not just helpful; it's downright therapeutic. Because only someone elbow-deep in baby chaos truly gets it.
Need help finding your village, mama? Sometimes it’s not easy, but here’s what I did:
Go to your local library’s storytime
Strike up conversations with other moms at parks and playgrounds (they’re just as desperate for adult interaction as you are)
Check out community Facebook groups for local events
Sign up for the Peanut app or something similar
Find your people and build your community even if it takes time.
6. Your Relationship Will Be Tested
Starting a family is like riding an emotional rollercoaster—there are highs, lows, and moments when you might want to throw up. Newborns are like relationship grenades: messy, loud, and nobody comes out the same.
When you’re in the thick of it, you might wonder how your marriage will survive the first year with a new baby without getting a divorce.
I love my husband, but in those early months, I also hated him because:
He slept while I was up all night.
He went to work while I lost my identity in piles of diapers and spit-up.
He leisurely enjoyed 45 minutes in the bathroom while I heard phantom baby cries from the shower.
Resentment? Oh, it’s real. But so is the love that grows when you survive it together. Once your life starts finding its rhythm, the storm between you and your partner will settle.
7. Forget the Snapback Fantasy
Society’s obsessed with the postpartum bounce-back. The fitness influencer who gained only 20 pounds, hit the gym six weeks postpartum, and flaunted her abs on Instagram before her baby even learned to roll over is a unicorn. We are the norm.
Your body just spent nearly a year growing a human, so thinking it’ll “snap back” in a few weeks is as delusional as expecting your baby to sleep through the night from day one.
And the weight is just one part of the post-baby puzzle. To add insult to injury, Mother Nature robs you of rest and drowns you in hormones. You’ll cry over things like empty coffee cups and commercials, and let’s not even talk about the hair loss.
It takes about six months — minimum — for your body to feel remotely normal again. That’s if your definition of “normal” includes new curves, a softer middle, and a distinct lack of time to care about any of it.
Whether you gave birth naturally or went the C-section route, your body needs real recovery time. You’ll get back to feeling like yourself eventually, just not on anyone else’s timeline.
8. It’s OK to Feel Sorry for Yourself
Most newborns are nocturnal. They’ve spent months snoozing to the rhythm of your daytime movements, so naturally, nighttime is their time to party. Teaching them the concept of “night = sleep” takes time.
And motherhood gets lonely. Nighttime amplifies everything, making the hard moments feel impossible. So, when you’re running on fumes, holding a screaming baby, and Googling “Why won’t my newborn sleep?”, it’s okay to cry. This is hard. Feel your feelings. Sob into the burp cloth.
9. Stop Comparing
Repeat after me: Stop. Freaking. Comparing. Your journey isn’t a side-by-side competition, and expecting it to match someone else’s is like expecting your baby to change their own diaper.
Your kid isn’t rolling over, sitting up, or doing calculus on the same timeline as that smug little chart in Your Baby’s First Year Week by Week. Who cares? Those milestones are suggestions, not prophecies. Your baby’s fine, and so are you.
And for the love of your sanity, stop staring over the metaphorical fence. Just because your friend’s partner is giving nightly baths while reciting poetry doesn’t mean your partner’s failing. Newsflash: no one’s grass is always greener.
True story: I preach “don’t compare,” but even I slip up. My best friend got pregnant right after I had my son. She’s a Pilates instructor, a life coach, and basically the human embodiment of sunshine and kale smoothies. Her husband? Equally golden. Meanwhile, I was over here in my mismatched sweatpants, wondering if I’d ever feel like a functional human again.
But the grass only seems greener on the other side. While my husband pampered me during pregnancy, encouraging naps and treating me like a delicate flower, her husband asked her to haul drywall — 14 sheets of it — while 24 weeks pregnant. If mine had even suggested that, I’d be sharpening knives. So yeah, perspective matters.
10. Trust Your Mom Instincts
You’re going to get a lot of advice; most of it unsolicited and useless. Filter it out. You know your baby better than anyone else. Trust that. Here are some tips for dealing with unwanted parenting advice.
Updated Jan 18, 2025
