Why Every Mom Needs a Village (and How to Build Yours)
Let’s get something straight: the whole “You can have it all” act is a lie, a myth, and frankly, a fast pass to burnout. Having it all means doing it all, and that usually means doing it all without support — and anyone who says otherwise is either lying, drowning, or being held hostage by some Pinterest-perfect illusion of motherhood.
The truth is, motherhood was never meant to be a solo gig. It’s supposed to be communal. Generational. Collective. But somewhere along the way, our society decided that moms should do it all alone — raising kids, managing households, earning income, and still somehow finding time to bake gluten-free cookies for the school fundraiser. Yeah, right.
You need a village. And guess what? That’s not a weakness. It’s survival.
Why Every Mom Needs a Village
Remember when people actually lived near family, and you could drop your kid off at grandma’s while you ran errands? Or when neighbors weren’t strangers, and they’d help out without expecting anything in return? Those were villages. And those villages kept moms sane.
But today? We’re supposed to be everything to everyone, and it’s killing us.
We’re exhausted, isolated, and stressed out — and that’s because the modern version of “parenting alone in a nuclear family bubble” doesn’t work. It never did.
Here’s what happens when you don’t have a village:
You’re exhausted 24/7 and resent everyone who gets more sleep than you.
You become the default parent for every meltdown, school project, and doctor’s appointment.
You never get a break, because “self-care” in this society is a joke. (here are 10+ Self-Care Activities for Busy & Broke Moms)
You lose your identity because your entire life revolves around wiping noses and washing dishes.
A village isn’t just nice to have. It’s essential for your mental, emotional, and physical health. And it’s essential for your kids, too. They need to see you model healthy boundaries, relationships, and community care.
Because guess what? They’re watching. If they see you run yourself ragged doing it all alone, they’ll think that’s normal. Is that the life you want for them?
How to Build Your Village 🛠 When You Don’t Have One
Most of us don’t have a built-in village. Family lives far away, friends are busy, and neighbors barely wave anymore. So, you have to get intentional about building one. And no, I’m not talking about joining a “mommy group” where everyone pretends to love kale chips and Montessori toys.
Here’s how to build a village that actually works for you:
1. Drop the Pride and Ask for Help
I know, I know — it feels awkward to ask for help. But you need to get over that.
Nobody is handing out medals for Most Exhausted Mom. You’re not “bothering” people. Humans are wired for connection and community. People want to help — you just need to let them.
Start small:
Ask another mom to swap babysitting days so you both get a break.
Ask a friend to help with school pick-up.
If your parents or in-laws are around, use them! Grandparents were made for this.
Disclaimer: Turns out, just because you ask doesn’t mean you’ll get it. I asked my husband to step up with the baby, and I asked my parents for more involvement, but what I got was a lot of excuses and half-hearted attempts.
Eventually, I stopped asking. I enrolled my 14-month-old in preschool and told my husband we needed to make $20k more a year to afford it and all cash gifts would go to paying the tuition. And you know what? It was easier to ask him to work more hours than to change a diaper.
That’s when it hit me — sometimes your “village” isn’t who you think it’ll be.
2. Find Like-Minded Moms (and Drop the Judgment)
You know those moms who make you feel like crap for feeding your kid chicken nuggets? Yeah, avoid them. You need real, down-to-earth people who get it — not “perfect” moms.
Start with places you already go:
Library story time (yes, it’s awkward at first — do it anyway).
Parks and playgrounds (pro tip: strike up conversations with other moms; they’re just as desperate for adult interaction as you are).
Community Facebook groups (skip the drama threads, focus on events).
Finding my village didn’t happen overnight, and it definitely didn’t come from the people I expected. I turned to Facebook and started searching for groups that actually fit my life.
“Old New Moms” gave me a space with other late-stage moms who get what it’s like to be an “older” mom starting fresh.
“Knoxville Mommy and Me” connected me with local moms for in-person hangouts.
“CannaMoms” provided a judgment-free zone to talk with fellow stoners who are also rocking parenthood.
And “Bad Ass Moms”? That group reminded me I’m not alone in not having it all together. Those spaces became lifelines — real moms, real talk, no BS.
And when you meet moms you vibe with, FOLLOW UP. Make plans. Be intentional. Friendships take work.
3. Trade Skills and Time
Villages aren’t just about emotional support; they’re practical. If you can’t afford daycare or a babysitter, find other moms and trade services. Community isn’t always about money. It’s about trading time, skills, and energy.
You watch their kid on Tuesday; they watch yours on Thursday.
You’re great at meal prepping? Share some meals. They’re good at organizing? Let them help with your chaos closet.
Have a handy neighbor? Offer baked goods in exchange for help fixing your sink.
One of the most surprising “village moments” I’ve had was helping a fellow mom fix her brick walkway. Her kids and mother-in-law took turns watching my son inside, which meant I got six uninterrupted hours to hang out with my friend and do something totally outside my normal routine.
It wasn’t glamorous, but there was something oddly refreshing about getting my hands dirty, working on a project, and not having to juggle my kid at the same time. It reminded me that sometimes, helping others can also be a form of self-care.
4. Let Go of the Idea of the Perfect Mom Group
Your village doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t need matching aesthetic playdates or curated Instagram moments. It just needs to work. The goal is to lighten your load — not add more to it.
Your village might look like:
The older neighbor who loves kids and offers to babysit.
The mom from soccer practice who’s always up for a vent session.
Your kid’s teacher who goes above and beyond.
These people count. Use them.
🧩 The Pieces of a Strong Village
Your village can include a mix of:
Type of Person Why You Need Them
The Experienced Mom For advice (and reassurance you’re not screwing it all up)
The “In the Trenches” Mom For solidarity when everything feels hard
The No-Kids Friend For a reminder of who you are outside of “Mom”
The Handy Neighbor For practical help when life falls apart
The Grandma Type For that warm, nurturing support (even if they’re not blood)
Let me be blunt: If you don’t have a village, you’re going to break. Not today, maybe not tomorrow — but at some point, you’ll hit a wall. And when you do, who’s going to catch you?
You’re not supposed to do it all alone. You don’t have to. But you do have to be brave enough to start building your village.
Motherhood is hard. Stop making it harder by pretending you’re a superhero. You’re human. Humans need other humans.
Let’s start building real, messy, beautiful communities. Because it’s time moms stopped drowning in silence. Go find your people. You deserve it.
