Redefining Parenting Success: Why Modern Parenting Feels Harder
Before you even had kids, you already had an idea of what success as a parent looked like. Maybe it came from how your own parents raised you—whether you wanted to replicate their choices or run in the opposite direction.
Then social media swooped in to redefine success as an aesthetic, one that involves organic bento lunches, spotless minimalist homes, and a wardrobe that somehow repels toddler snot. The societal expectations— the endless "shoulds" we absorb from books, experts, and well-meaning strangers— have changed. But are beige nurseries and garnished toddler plates markers of parenting success?
In this article:
Back When Parenting Wasn’t an Extreme Sport
"Doing It All" Is a Scam
Stop Letting Strangers Set Your Parenting Goals
Set Your Own Standard for Parenting Success
Define Your Family’s Core Values
The Invisible Work of Parenting is Real Work
Track Your Parenting Wins with a Success Journal
Let Go of the "Shoulds" and Embrace "Good Enough"
Back When Parenting Wasn’t a Competition
Your parents didn’t have to compare themselves to an endless feed of seemingly perfect families across the globe. Their only reference points were the people around them—family, friends, and neighbors, most of whom were in the same general income bracket. If they were doing just as well as the Johnsons next door, that was enough.
80s and 90s parents weren’t expected to be gourmet chefs, educational experts, and child psychologists all at once. No one batted an eye if your kids:
Drank Kool-Aid
Rode your bike without a helmet
Watched cartoons for hours
The pressure to curate a flawless childhood didn’t exist. Parenting was about keeping kids fed, clothed, and relatively well-behaved—no viral-worthy moments required. Today’s standards are suffocating in comparison, and it’s no wonder so many moms feel like they’re failing when, in reality, they’re doing more than previous generations ever had to.
Parenting expectations in the U.S. have become exhausting compared to other cultures. If you’ve ever wondered whether we’re making it harder than it needs to be, this comparison between American and European parenting might be eye-opening.
"Doing It All" Is a Scam
You know that mom who seems to have it all together? Perfect house, thriving career, home-cooked meals, engaging crafts? Either she has a full-time nanny, a team of helpers, or she’s seconds away from a breakdown. No one is actually doing it all. And trying to be that mom will burn you out faster than a cheap candle.
Success isn’t a mood board. It’s not about whether you have the right baby gear or if your child is fluent in Mandarin by preschool. Parenting success is about raising decent, secure, well-adjusted humans—not creating a highlight reel. Your kids will not remember if their lunches were organic, but they will remember whether you were present, patient (ish), and emotionally available.
Stop Letting Strangers Set Your Parenting Goals
"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."
The same goes for parenting—just because one family's version of success looks a certain way doesn't mean yours has to match it. What works for one household may be completely unrealistic, impractical, or even harmful for another. The problem is, modern parenting culture wants to fit everyone into the same mold, ignoring the reality that every family has different values, resources, and challenges.
Somewhere along the way, “good enough” became a dirty phrase in parenting. But why isn’t raising happy, healthy kids without striving for perfection… enough? Here’s a look at how our obsession with achievement is hurting parents and kids alike.
Set Your Own Standard for Parenting Success
Think about what actually matters to your family. Is it quality time? Financial stability? Teaching resilience? Maybe success means:
Your kids feel safe and loved.
You’re raising humans who know how to be kind and responsible.
You’re taking care of your own well-being (because a burnt-out mom is no good to anyone).
You’re breaking cycles of toxic parenting, even when it’s hard.
Notice what’s missing? Matching outfits, themed birthday parties, and excessive guilt over screen time. Choose your priorities instead of absorbing the ones being force-fed to you by people whose job is to make you feel inadequate so you’ll buy their affiliate-linked "solutions."
And these influencers, retailers, and advertisers don’t actually care about making your life easier. They care about making you feel like you’re failing so you’ll spend money to “fix” it. You’re not going to go shopping if you think you’re doing a great job. They feed off your fears, selling you the idea that without the latest parenting hack, your kids will somehow be less happy, less smart, or less loved. It’s a business, not a public service.
How to Define Your Family’s Core Values
Success isn’t about meeting an arbitrary standard; it’s about raising your kids in a way that aligns with what’s most important to your family. Try this simple exercise:
Write down the top five values you want to prioritize in your home. (Examples: kindness, independence, financial stability, creativity, respect, etc.)
Ask yourself: Do my daily parenting decisions reflect these values, or am I chasing external expectations?
When faced with a parenting dilemma, revisit these values—let them guide your decisions instead of outside pressure.
The Invisible Work of Parenting is Real Work
So much of parenting success isn’t visible, shareable, or glamorous—but that doesn’t mean it isn’t valuable. Let’s acknowledge the work that never makes it onto social media but matters just as much, if not more:
Teaching kids how to apologize and mean it.
Modeling emotional regulation (even when you want to scream).
Keeping a household running without everyone falling apart.
Making decisions based on long-term well-being, not short-term aesthetics.
This is the foundation of real parenting success—the things that create strong, capable, and kind humans, even if no one is around to applaud you for it.
Track Your Parenting Wins with a Success Journal
It’s easy to focus on what’s going wrong, but what if you started celebrating what’s going right? Keep a simple 'Parenting Wins' journal where you jot down small victories each day—times you were patient, moments of connection, or when you made a tough decision that aligned with your values.
Success isn’t about perfection; it’s about progress. Writing down these wins shifts your focus from what’s missing to what’s working, reminding you that you’re doing better than you think. Because at the end of the day, real success is raising kids who feel loved by a parent who knows they’re enough.
Let Go of the "Shoulds" and Embrace "Good Enough"
Parenting isn’t a competition. There is no finish line, no judge’s panel, and definitely no awards for making everything look effortless. Good enough is good enough. The sooner we ditch the influencer version of success, the sooner we can focus on what actually matters: raising kids who feel loved and moms who don’t feel like they’re drowning.
Parenting is relentless, and trying to keep up with unrealistic standards only makes it worse. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, here’s a sanity-saving secret that has nothing to do with another rigid routine.
So next time you catch yourself spiraling because your kid’s snack isn’t photogenic, take a deep breath, hand them a granola bar, and move on.
