Diversify Your Tribe: The Mother’s Day Gift You Didn’t Know You Needed

There’s this thing I used to believe before I became a mom: that your people—your “village”—would look and live a lot like you. That they’d be in the exact same life phase, with the same values, interests, and sleep deprivation levels. You know, some magical group of women who all breastfed (or all didn’t), who either loved baby-led weaning or thought it was feral, who agreed on everything from screen time limits to which brand of oat milk was superior.

That village doesn’t exist. And if it does, I’m not interested. Because what I’ve learned—especially as another Mother’s Day rolls around—is that the real magic happens when you build a diverse tribe. A village made up of different women bringing different energies, skills, and sanity-saving perspectives into your life.

I’ve found out the hard way what it feels like to be deep in the trenches of early motherhood without a real support system—and trust me, the cost runs deeper than exhaustion.

Let me tell you about mine.

Katie: My Magic Mirror of the Future

When I talk about diversifying your village, I don’t just mean gathering a colorful spread of personalities. Sometimes, it’s about having someone who’s walked your path just a little further than you have. Someone who doesn’t feel like a dramatic contrast—but a future version of you that somehow survived. That’s Katie.

She and I are cut from the same Type B cloth: loose schedules, soft hearts, and a deep-seated belief that life isn’t meant to be lived on a rigid timeline. We both color outside the lines—intentionally. And while that might not make her a “personality outlier” in my world, she’s still a rare breed compared to just about everyone else I know.

Katie’s about ten years ahead of me, raising three kids—one already in middle school—and somehow still managing to stay grounded, emotionally available, and incredibly generous with her time. She’s proof that our unconventional way of living—driven by heart more than hustle, more focused on peace than perfection—can actually work long-term.

We both earn money in non-traditional ways, carry more emotional insight, and are constantly trying to balance presence with pressure. That means we get each other in ways that make everything feel less uphill. But Katie also gives me the gift of perspective. She’s like a magic mirror that whispers, “You’ll get through this. Look, I did.”

She’s the friend who:

• Won’t flinch at your messy car or messy life

• Doesn’t need a reason to offer real, practical help (like driving me and my son to the airport)

• Accepts help just as easily—like when I patched her drywall or fixed her fence

• Listens without trying to fix, correct, or optimize

• Will never make you feel like you’re failing—even when you feel like you are

Katie’s not here to give me advice. She’s here to show me it’s survivable. That our shared chaos can evolve into something functional and even beautiful. She doesn’t try to change me. She reminds me who I am—and who I’m still becoming.

Related: The Secret to Not Losing Your Mind as a Parent (It’s Not Another Routine)

Kelly: Pilates, Positivity, and the Power of Opposites

Kelly is the friend I never expected but can’t live without. She’s a glowing goddess of clean living, a gorgeous Pilates instructor who somehow makes you want to eat quinoa without rolling your eyes. She could be an influencer with her 20k-plus followers and impeccable aesthetic—but she’s not out here peddling vibes for likes. She’s the real deal.

She’s the kind of person who actually wants the best for you—not just the version that looks good in stories. She’ll also remember the name of that obscure supplement you said helped your skin once, six months ago.

Her son is 9 months younger than mine, which means she’s just behind me to relate. Kelly is my crunchy mom—if I have a question about some organic, homeopathic, toddler-safe cure for whatever chaos my household is experiencing:

• Teething?

• Rash?

• Existential dread?

Kelly has something for that. She makes me want to do better—but never in a judgy way. She’s the ray of sunshine that breaks through my overcast sarcasm. We’re opposites in almost every way, and it works. Because sometimes, you need someone who helps you aspire—not just commiserate.

Rebekah: The Woman Who Reminds Me I’m Still One Too

And then there’s Rebekah. Rebekah is a force—poised, sharp-tongued in the best way, and wears heels like she hadn’t spent the last decade picking Cheerios out of a car seat. With two tweenagers and a successful career, her vibe says “I have zero tolerance for BS.” She’s walking proof that womanhood doesn’t stop when motherhood begins.

She reminds me of a version of myself who loved:

• Impromptu dinner dates, and good food

• Cocktails in glasses that aren’t spill-proof

• Conversations that don’t revolve around nap schedules.

Rebekah reminds me that I’m still a woman with a brain and a personality. I don’t have to be “just a mom.” I can talk about careers, politics, sex, and ambition—without needing to censor myself or explain my choices. She reminds me that motherhood is one identity—not the only one.

We’re going to see Whitney Cummings the night before Mother’s Day because she gets that sometimes, you don’t want to spend your one celebratory weekend eating cold pancakes off a tray made by a 2-year-old. Sometimes it’s a night out with someone who sees the whole you—not just the one holding the wipes.

The Gift of a Varied Village

So, here’s my take this Mother’s Day: maybe the best gift isn’t a spa day (though I’ll take that too), or some overpriced macaroni necklace. Maybe it’s a nudge to look at your circle and ask, is it wide enough?

Do you have a sunshine goddess?

A survival soulmate?

A fun mom who helps you feel like more than a mom?

Because diversity in your tribe doesn’t just help you—it helps your kid, your partner, your sanity. It reminds you that there’s no one “right” way to do this. That you’re allowed to be more than one thing.

Motherhood is not one-size-fits-all. So why should your village be?

If you’re wondering how to even start building a circle like this, you’re not alone—and yes, there’s a way in.