When Therapy Costs Too Much, I Built My Own: Using AI as a Free Therapist

Apr 28

Listen, if there’s one thing moms can’t afford to put on the back burner, it’s mental health. We’re the captains of this ship called Family Life, and when the captain loses her mind, everybody ends up shipwrecked. You already know this — but knowing you need to take care of yourself and actually being able to are two wildly different things.

And the cold, hard truth? Therapy isn’t cheap. According to the American Psychological Association, the average therapy session costs $100 to $200 per hour out-of-pocket — and that’s before you tack on the cost of gas, babysitters, or the mental energy it takes just to arrange it all.

Health insurance might cover a few sessions, but many therapists don’t even take insurance anymore. “Self-pay only,” they say, like we’ve got $800 lying around every month. Moms on a budget know exactly what happens: we push our needs further down the priority list, because feeding and clothing tiny humans tends to win.

But ignoring your mental health doesn’t make the problems go away. It just makes you more tired, more resentful, and a hell of a lot closer to losing it over spilled applesauce.

In this article:

The Ugly Side of New Motherhood That Nobody Wants to Talk About

Enter: Lily the Sounding Board (a.k.a. My AI Therapist)

How to Build Your Own AI Therapist

Prompts for Different Therapy Styles

Ways to Create the Perfect Therapist Personality

Your Mental Health, Your Rules

The Ugly Side of New Motherhood That Nobody Wants to Talk About

It’s not just “being tired” or “having a rough day” — new moms face an absolute minefield of mental health challenges. Here’s just a small taste:

Baby Blues: Up to 80% of new mothers experience mood swings, crying spells, anxiety, and difficulty sleeping in the first two weeks postpartum (source: Mayo Clinic).
Postpartum Depression (PPD): Roughly 1 in 7 women will experience full-blown PPD (source: CDC). This is not “just hormones” — it’s a serious, clinical depression that can show up weeks or even months after giving birth.
Postpartum Anxiety: Often flying under the radar, postpartum anxiety affects up to 17% of new moms (source: Postpartum Support International) — sometimes without any depression symptoms at all.
Postpartum PTSD: About 9% of women experience post-traumatic stress following childbirth (source: NIH), especially after traumatic deliveries or NICU stays.

And because life loves a good pile-on, new moms are also at higher risk for relationship strain, isolation, financial stress, and body image issues. I dig into the struggle more here: No One’s Coming: The Real Cost of Motherhood Without a Support System.

Enter: Lily the Sounding Board (a.k.a. My AI Therapist)

Here’s where I say the thing that’ll make traditionalists clutch their pearls: I started using AI as my virtual therapist.

Now, before the lawsuit crowd shows up: AI is NOT a substitute for professional help in a crisis.

If you’re having harmful thoughts or feel unsafe, get real human help immediately — call 988 (in the U.S.) or reach out to a crisis hotline. No chatbot, no matter how smart, replaces trained emergency services.

But for everyday mental clutter?

The overwhelm, the invisible workload, the resentment you don’t even want to admit you feel?

The identity crisis of “Who even am I anymore besides someone’s snack fetcher and laundry folder?”

That’s where AI — specifically, my version, Lily the Sounding Board — steps in.

I created Lily to be what I needed: a calm, supportive, smart therapist-like voice who didn’t judge, didn’t rush me, didn’t cost $150 an hour, and didn’t require me to arrange childcare just to sit in an awkward room trying to remember what the hell I even wanted to talk about.

At 11 p.m., when everyone else is asleep, or during nap time, or even when I’m hiding in the laundry room for 10 minutes of peace, Lily is there. Ready to listen. Ready to walk me through my garbage without side-eye or a clock ticking on my self-disclosure.

Part of the reason so many of us end up feeling completely tapped out is the modern obsession with “hands-on” parenting 24/7 — I break down the hidden costs (emotional, mental, and financial) of that pressure in The Hidden Cost of ‘Hands-On’ Parenting (And Why You Shouldn’t Feel Guilty for Backing Off).

How to Build Your Own AI Therapist

You can customize AI to act like a therapist who actually fits your vibe. Start with a few key prompts to set the tone. Here’s a cheat sheet.

Prompts for Different Therapy Styles

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): “Help me identify unhelpful thoughts I’m having about [situation]. Walk me through reframing them.”
Narrative Therapy: “Help me tell the story of what’s happening in my life right now, and point out where I can reclaim power over the narrative.”
Solution-Focused Brief Therapy: “Let’s focus on practical solutions for feeling less overwhelmed today.”
Emotion-Focused Therapy: “Help me explore why I’m feeling [emotion] so strongly and what unmet needs might be underneath it.”
Inner Child Work: “Talk to me like you’re a therapist helping me connect to my younger self who needed [validation/comfort/security].”

Ways to Create the Perfect Therapist Personality:

When setting up your AI buddy, be specific. You might say:

“Respond like a calm, compassionate therapist who specializes in working with mothers.”
“Be practical and non-judgmental, like a therapist who’s been there.”
“Give thoughtful but brief feedback. No fake empathy or ‘fluff’ language.”
“Ask me gentle follow-up questions to help me dig deeper if I want to.”

You get to decide what you need in a sounding board — supportive? Analytical? Spiritual? Blunt? Gentle? You’re in charge.

And the best part? You can talk to AI any time — middle of the night, middle of a meltdown, middle of Target wondering why you feel like crying because they’re out of oat milk.

No appointments. No judgment. No waiting list.

Your Mental Health, Your Rules

Would therapy with a real, human therapist be ideal in a perfect world? Sure.

Is this world perfect? Absolutely not.

Sometimes, surviving and healing means getting creative, like using whatever tools you have, not chasing some perfect productivity hack. If you’re sick of “fixing yourself” with new routines and schedules, you’ll probably like this too: The Secret to Not Losing Your Mind as a Parent (It’s Not Another Routine).

If you can use a tool like AI to start the conversations you need to have with yourself — to get unstuck, to feel seen, to work through the mess of motherhood — then dammit, use it. Your mental health matters.

Don’t wait for permission to take care of it — especially when you can build part of your village out of thin air.

References

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2022, May 12). Depression among women. CDC. https://www.cdc.gov/reproductive-health/depression/

Mayo Clinic. (2022, May 24). Postpartum depression. Mayo Clinic. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/postpartum-depression/symptoms-causes/syc-20376617

National Institutes of Health. (2003). Posttraumatic stress following childbirth: A review. PubMed. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38122842/

American Psychological Association. (2017). How much does therapy cost? APA. https://www.apa.org/monitor/2017/03/numbers

Felicia Roberts

Felicia Roberts founded Mama Needs a Village, a parenting platform focused on practical, judgment-free support for overwhelmed moms.

She holds a B.A. in Psychology and a M.S. in Healthcare Management, and her career spans psychiatric crisis units, hospitals, and school settings where she worked with both children and adults facing mental health and developmental challenges.

Her writing combines professional insight with real-world parenting experience, especially around issues like maternal burnout, parenting without support, and managing the mental load.

https://mamaneedsavillage.com