How to Raise Children When Parents Have Conflicting Political and Religious Views
Tomorrow's presidential election will culminate a drawn-out season of tension and division. Will the U.S. have its first female president? Or will Trump put on his second act as the country’s 45th and 47th president?
Like other parents, I can’t help but wonder how today’s extreme political dichotomy will shape my family’s future, especially since we have a bi-partisan marriage. And we’re not alone; according to the Pew Research Center, about 23% of married or cohabiting couples are political opposites.
Similarly, interfaith marriage is increasingly common in the U.S., accounting for 39% of marriages, again, according to the Pew Research Center. Co-parenting is a delicate dance. And the steps can become even more intricate when religious differences enter the equation.
Are you parenting with differing political views and religious beliefs? Tired of eye-rolling or arguing? If you have a mixed household, here are some strategies to keep the peace and foster a positive environment, no matter who our next president is.
In this article:
The Impact of Divisive Political Culture on Relationships
How to Avoid Politics Being a Deal Breaker in Relationships
How to Overcome Religious Differences While Raising Kids
The Impact of Divisive Political Culture on Relationships
Is it just me, or is the current political climate like a bad reality show that's seeping into our love lives? The great divide isn’t just on your news feed; it’s right there in your dating apps, DMs, and bedroom room.
Couples with different political beliefs may struggle to avoid turning every conversation into a verbal smackdown. The ever-widening gap between political ideologies means sometimes feeling like you’re sleeping with the enemy. One study found that voting differently from one’s partner was associated with higher stress levels, greater relational conflict, and a weaker communal orientation (e.g., being a team) among partners.
In this battleground of red vs. blue, it’s more important than ever to find common ground, practice a bit of empathy, and keep the communication channels open—unless you want your family to turn into another casualty of the culture wars.
How to Avoid Politics Being a Deal Breaker in Relationships
Political differences can add vibrant to family dynamics or set it aflame like a dumpster fire. Whether you’re liberals, conservatives, or somewhere in between, you and your co-parent can unite in the pursuit of laughter, love, and maybe a little bipartisan compromise. After all, a family that effectively communicates together, stays together—ideological differences and all.
1. Open Up to the Diverse Political Landscape
First off, toss out any preconceived notions about how your kids should align politically. It's like expecting them to share your taste in music—not gonna happen. Opinion diversity in your household removes the echo chamber of bipartisan conversations. It’s a mini democracy under your roof, and every voice deserves to be heard, even if it's opposing.
2. Teach the Art of Civil Discourse
In our household, debates are a sport, not a battleground. Teach your kids the invaluable art of civil discourse. Show them that political disagreements don’t have to end in a duel; they can be a source of enlightenment and growth.
3. Find Common Ground
Even the most ideologically opposed partners can find common ground. Find shared values that transcend political lines. Whether it’s the importance of family and community, encouraging a love of learning, or making smart money moves.
In our case, it’s the undeniable fact that our family and household come before any political beliefs. Even my Trump-supporting husband knows that conservative beliefs about same-sex marriages are antiquated, especially since his uncles are gay and in-laws are lesbians.
4. Be a United Front in Parenting
When it comes to parenting style and decisions, present a united front. Regardless of political leanings, align on core values and principles to create a stable and nurturing environment for your kids. Save the political jousting for your weekly debate night and focus on building a loving and supportive family foundation.
5. Accept That It’s a Learning Experience
Raising kids in a politically diverse household is an ongoing learning experience for everyone involved. It’s a crash course in compromise, tolerance, and the art of a well-timed eye roll.
6. Emphasize the Importance of Voting
While Mom and Dad might cancel each other out at the ballot box, make sure your kids understand the significance of voting. Let them know that in a democracy, every voice matters. Besides, teaching them the power of the vote might be useful when deciding on the next family movie night selection.
How to Overcome Religious Differences While Raising Kids
Religious differences in a family can turn family dinners into theological debates that make the Spanish Inquisition look tame. No matter if your Sunday mornings mean church bells, meditation chants, or simply sleeping in, these differences can actually strengthen your family.
1. Respectful Resonance
Just as you expect your beliefs to be respected, reciprocate the gesture. Acknowledge and honor your co-parent’s beliefs, even if they differ from your own. This mutual respect lays the foundation for a cooperative and supportive co-parenting environment.
When I was 15 weeks pregnant, my husband unexpectedly stated he wanted to baptize our child. Although he’d worn a necklace with a cross (crucifix?) and Jesus’ head every day for 20+ years, religion had never come up before.
As an agnostic, I don’t care if a priest splashes some water on our kid’s head as long as I don't have to plan the ecclesiastical affair. Baptism means nothing to me, but it means everything to him and his family.
Respecting your co-parent’s religious practices doesn’t mean you have to adopt them. It simply implies recognizing their significance and allowing space for diverse beliefs.
2. Teach Tolerance and Inclusion
Religious diversity within a family provides a unique opportunity to instill essential values in your kids. Rather than viewing differences as divisive, use them as a springboard for teaching tolerance and inclusion.
Engage your kids in age-appropriate conversations about various belief systems. Explain that the world is a tapestry of diverse cultures and religions, each contributing to the rich fabric of humanity.
Emphasize the importance of respecting differences and embracing the idea that everyone is entitled to their beliefs.
Encourage your kids to ask questions and express their curiosity. This fosters a sense of understanding and empowers them to navigate a world that celebrates diversity.
3. Fostering Independent Belief Systems
As parents, we naturally want to impart our values to our kids. However, when co-parenting with religious differences, strike a balance that allows your children to form their own belief systems.
Create an open dialogue with your kids about spirituality and faith. Ask them what they believe and provide a safe space for them to explore their thoughts. This promotes critical thinking and allows your kids to develop a sense of autonomy in shaping their belief systems.
Avoid imposing one parent’s beliefs over the other. Instead, celebrate the richness that arises from having exposure to different perspectives. This approach empowers your kids to make informed decisions about their beliefs, fostering a sense of independence and self-discovery.
By teaching your kids the values of tolerance, respect, and curiosity, you’re raising little diplomats who can navigate the complexities of a diverse world. Plus, you’re showing them that love and family can transcend any divide, even the one between “heathens” and “holy rollers.”
