Is It Baby Blues or Something More?
Grab your coffee (or your wine, no judgment here), and let's have an honest talk about something many of us deal with but don't always get straight—depression. Sometimes, more serious conditions like postpartum depression get incorrectly labeled as the baby blues, which can be harmful because it downplays the severity of what moms are experiencing.
While these conditions often revolve around significant life changes and emotional challenges, another set of mood-related issues is tied to our monthly cycles. Enter PMS and PMDD—two conditions that, while linked to our periods, can significantly impact our emotional and physical well-being.
Understanding the nuances between these is crucial because they each require different approaches to treatment and support. Mislabeling can prevent moms from seeking the professional help they need, leaving them to struggle in silence.
Depression: The Classic
Let's start with the big one—depression. This isn't just about feeling sad. It's like being stuck in a fog where everything feels heavy and pointless. You can't snap out of it, no matter how much you want to.
Major depression is the leading cause of disability worldwide, affecting the ability to work, maintain relationships, and manage daily activities. Around 7.1% of adults in the United States experience at least one major depressive episode each year. Women are about twice as likely as men to experience depression. Aren’t we lucky?
Symptoms of depression include:
Persistent sadness or empty mood
Loss of interest in activities once enjoyed
Changes in appetite or weight
Insomnia or oversleeping
Fatigue or loss of energy
Feelings of worthlessness or excessive guilt
Difficulty thinking, concentrating, or making decisions
Thoughts of death or suicide
If this sounds like you, it's more than just a bad day or week. It's time to talk to a professional.
Distinguishing general depression from pregnancy-related or hormonal depressions, such as postpartum depression (PPD), PMS, or PMDD, involves considering the timing and specific symptoms. General depression is characterized by more than one of the above symptoms, lasting for at least two weeks.
In contrast, pregnancy-related or hormonal depressions are closely tied to hormonal fluctuations and significant life events. Postpartum depression typically arises within the first year after childbirth. PMS and PMDD occur cyclically, aligning with the menstrual cycle, and usually subside once the period begins.
Baby Blues: The Temporary Sadness
About 70 to 80% of new moms experience the "baby blues" or "mommy blues" after childbirth. This short-term emotional rollercoaster can include mood swings, crying spells, anxiety, and difficulty sleeping. The baby blues usually start within the first few days after delivery and can last up to two weeks. While it's tough, it generally goes away on its own.
Postpartum Depression: The New Mom's Struggle
Next up is postpartum depression (PPD). Picture this: you've just had a baby, and while everyone expects you to be over the moon, you're feeling overwhelmed, sad, and disconnected. PPD goes beyond the "baby blues" (which last a few days to two weeks).
Symptoms of PPD can be similar to regular depression but also include:
Crying more often than usual
Feeling angry or irritable
Withdrawing from loved ones
Feeling numb or disconnected from your baby
Worrying that you'll hurt your baby
Sounds like you? You're not alone. Approximately 10-20% of new mothers experience postpartum depression. Reaching out for help is essential because some treatments can make a huge difference.
PMS & It’s Evil Twin PMDD
Alright, let's talk about PMS—pre-menstrual syndrome. Most of us have been there. A week or so before your period, you start feeling a bit off. Maybe you're more emotional, cramping, or bloated.
PMS symptoms can include mood swings, crying spells, irritability or anger, fatigue, food cravings, and sleep problems. These symptoms usually go away once your period starts. It's annoying, but it's manageable.
Now, PMDD (pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder) is like PMS on steroids. It's severe and can seriously disrupt your life. If your monthly symptoms feel unbearable and affect your daily activities, you might be dealing with PMDD.
Symptoms can include:
Severe mood swings
Intense irritability or anger
Depression or hopelessness
Extreme anxiety or tension
Trouble sleeping
Physical symptoms like breast tenderness, headaches, or joint/muscle pain
PMDD needs medical attention because it's more than just a bad period—it's a serious condition.
Recently, I experienced what I believe to be PMDD 13 months after delivering my baby. It started a few days before my period, and I was unable to stop crying. It felt like a full-blown depressive episode, where everything seemed bleak and unmanageable.
I was overwhelmed by feelings of despair—from my unengaged husband and lack of community support to even having negative thoughts about my child. Until then, I’d never in the 13 months since his birth did I have intrusive thoughts of harming him. Every day for almost a week, I thought about smashing his screaming face into the wall.
The exhaustion and stress were unbearable, and it felt like I would be stuck in that dark place for a long time. Thankfully, by the third day of my period, I was back to myself and able to enjoy motherhood again.
Warning for New Moms
Becoming a new mom can increase the likelihood of experiencing depression or PMDD, even if you’ve never experienced either before. The transition to motherhood is a significant life change that brings considerable physical, hormonal, and emotional shifts.
The stress and sleep deprivation associated with caring for a newborn can exacerbate these changes, making new moms more susceptible to depression and mood disorders. Hormonal fluctuations after childbirth can trigger postpartum depression, and the stress and demands of new motherhood can also make premenstrual symptoms more severe, potentially leading to PMDD.
Even women with no prior history of depression or PMDD can find themselves facing these challenges due to the intense and unique pressures of new motherhood. Recognizing these risks and seeking support early can make a significant difference in managing and overcoming these conditions.
Tips for Handling Depression, Postpartum Depression, and PMDD
Some strategies and resources can help manage these conditions effectively. Here are some tips to help you cope:
1. Seek Professional Help
Talking to a mental health professional can provide you with coping strategies and emotional support. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is particularly effective for depression and mood disorders.
Antidepressants or other medications may be prescribed to help balance your mood. Always consult your healthcare provider to find the right treatment plan.
2. Build a Support System
Support systems can literally save your life as a parent. Lean on your loved ones for support. Let them know what you’re going through and how they can help.
As someone who lives far from family and close friends, I know how challenging caring for a child without the village can be. When I reach a breaking point, I turn to my online mommy communities. These virtual support networks have been a lifeline, allowing me to share my struggles without fear of judgment or feeling that my vulnerabilities will be held against me.
Additionally, the beauty of these internet friends is the ability to find and select the group that best fits my situation, like my over 35-year-old mommy group. These connections provide the understanding and empathy I desperately need, reminding me that I am not alone in this journey.
Don’t have a community? Join a support group for new moms or individuals dealing with depression or PMDD. Sharing experiences and advice (even online as an anonymous person) can be incredibly comforting.
3. Prioritize Self-Care
It's hard to provide yourself with self-care, especially with a new baby who is sucking the life and energy out of you. Finding the time and energy for self-care seems impossible when you're exhausted and overwhelmed. But even small acts can make a difference.
I feel like a hypocrite suggesting these tips because I struggle to follow them myself, but they work:
Sleep: Try to get as much rest as possible. Nap when your baby naps (I know, I know), and don’t hesitate to ask for help with nighttime feedings.
Nutrition: Ideally, you should eat a balanced diet rich in fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains while avoiding excessive caffeine and sugar, which can worsen mood swings. At the very least, drink enough water (hydration is my easiest and cheapest beauty hack).
Exercise: Engage in regular physical activity. Even a short daily walk can boost your mood and energy levels. Pacing the hallway with the baby counts.
I try to do one little thing for myself—like putting on lotion—even if it means closing the bathroom door for three minutes (or, in my case, putting up the baby gate so my mini-supervisor doesn’t freak out that he can’t see me). It’s not much, but those tiny moments of self-care can help you feel a bit more human amidst the chaos.
4. Manage Stress
To help reduce stress and anxiety, try some relaxation techniques like:
Yoga
Deep breathing exercises
Practicing mindfulness
One of the best ways to manage stress is to start by managing your time. Break tasks into smaller, manageable steps, and don’t hesitate to delegate or say no to additional responsibilities.
5. Monitor Your Symptoms
Keep a journal to track your mood, physical symptoms, and triggers. This can help you and your healthcare provider better understand your condition and adjust treatments accordingly.
Schedule regular appointments with your healthcare provider to monitor your progress and adjust your treatment plan as needed.
6. Stay Connected
Stay connected with friends and family. Socializing, even if it’s just a phone call, can improve your mood and provide a sense of normalcy.
"Stay connected" also means staying connected to yourself, ensuring you take time to nurture your own needs and well-being. Pursue activities you enjoy to provide a positive distraction and a sense of accomplishment.
Here’s a short list of activities you can enjoy with young children:
Yoga: Look for mommy and me classes that include basic poses your child can mimic or even one that understands your kids are unpredictable.
Baking Together: Making simple recipes like cookies or muffins can be a fun and rewarding activity.
Nature Walks: Enjoy a stroll in the park or a nature trail, exploring the outdoors together.
Gardening: Planting flowers or vegetables and teaching your child how to care for them.
Art Projects: Engaging in creative activities like painting or crafting that both you and your child can enjoy.
Picnics: Preparing a picnic and enjoying a meal together at a local park or even in your backyard.
Music Time: Playing instruments or singing along to favorite songs, having a mini dance party.
Exploring Museums or Zoos: Visiting child-friendly museums or zoos where both you and your child can learn and have fun.
Just getting out of the house can boost your mental health and be an easier way to entertain your little one without the intense effort of one-on-one time. A change of scenery and fresh air can do wonders for both of you.
7. Educate Yourself
Knowledge is power. Learn as much as you can about your condition. Understanding what you’re experiencing can reduce fear and help you take proactive steps toward managing your mental health.
Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. You deserve to feel your best, and with the proper support and strategies, you can manage these conditions and enjoy
