Best Ways to Teach Kids Responsibility And How to Make Chores Fun
Raising Kids Who Actually Help Around the House
No one signs up to be a live-in maid to their offspring. Yet, somewhere along the way, the bar for kids contributing to household life dropped to zero, so parents end up playing that exact role. Is it really too much to expect kids to function as average, capable humans instead of pampered guests? (Read more on why “average” is just fine.)
The problem isn’t that kids are lazy—it’s that too chores feel like a punishment. Instead, we parents need to reinforce that domestic work is a normal, expected part of life. Here’s how to get kids of every age to actually contribute instead of treating you like the unpaid labor force.
Chores for Toddlers (Ages 1-3)
The trick to getting kids to do chores without a fight is to start early. Little kids naturally want to help because they’re wired to copy everything you do. If you let them participate when they’re young (instead of shooing them away because “it’s faster if I just do it”), they’ll grow up seeing responsibility as normal—not some cruel injustice designed to ruin their childhood.
What they can do:
✅ Put toys back in bins
✅ Wipe up spills with a small cloth
✅ Help load the washer/dryer (by handing you clothes)
✅ Hand you ingredients while cooking
✅ “Sweep” with a toddler-sized broom (mostly just moving dirt around, but it’s the effort that counts)
How to make it natural:
Narrate everything. “We’re cleaning up now. Here, you do this part!” Toddlers love feeling involved.
Give them tools their size—a little broom, a mini dustpan. They’ll love it.
Don’t expect it to be done well. The goal isn’t a clean house; it’s building habits.
Make it part of daily life. Cleaning up is just what we do before moving on to the next thing.
Start now, and by the time they’re older, they won’t be that kid—the one who acts like putting a dish in the sink is the hardest thing they’ve ever been asked to do. Research indicates that children who participate in household chores exhibit higher self-esteem and are better equipped to handle frustration and delayed gratification.
Chores for Preschoolers (Ages 4-6)
Preschoolers are still in their I-want-to-help phase—which means this is your golden window. If you wait too long, they’ll figure out that chores are technically “work,” and suddenly, their arms won’t function when it’s time to carry their plate to the sink.
What they can do:
✅ Set the table
✅ Water plants—just remind them not to drown the poor things
✅ Match socks and put away their own laundry
✅ Feed pets
✅ Dust low surfaces (which is really just an excuse to get them to wipe down baseboards)
How to make it natural:
Turn chores into “special jobs.” Saying, “You get to be the official table-setter tonight!” sounds way more exciting than “Go set the table.”
Use music or timers. Kids this age think everything is a race or a game—so use that to your advantage.
Praise effort, not results. If you nitpick that the forks aren’t perfectly aligned, congrats, you’ve just killed their enthusiasm.
One of the pitfalls of influencer-driven parenting is the belief that every activity needs to be an event. Your kid can learn to put away their toys without a Montessori-certified song and dance.
Chores for Early Elementary Kids (Ages 7-9)
Elementary schoolers are at the age where they’re still cute enough to want to help, but old enough to actually be useful. This is when you start handing over real responsibilities. No more “pretend sweeping.” They can handle actual work.
What they can do:
✅ Make their own bed (yes, it’ll look like a crumpled mess, but that’s fine)
✅ Sweep or vacuum small areas
✅ Wash dishes or load the dishwasher (with supervision so they don’t “accidentally” break everything)
✅ Help make simple meals (like PB&J—nothing involving fire unless you enjoy ER visits)
✅ Take out the trash
How to make it natural:
Tie chores to privileges. No, they don’t get screen time until they’ve done their part—simple as that.
Use an “if-then” approach. “If you want to play outside, then put away your toys first.” That’s just how life works.
Stop rewarding basic tasks. Making your bed and cleaning up after yourself is called being a functional human, not an achievement worthy of a parade.
Keep the expectations clear, and you’ll avoid the dreaded “But why do I have to do it?” battle later. Assigning chores like making their own bed and helping with meal preparation can boost children's confidence and work ethic.
Chores for Tweens (Ages 10-12)
Tweens are smart enough to fake confusion over how a vacuum works, but somehow create a deepfake of you calling them out of school sick. They are more than capable of real responsibilities. Don’t fall for their “I don’t know how” act.
Chores shouldn’t be optional, negotiable, or dependent on their “mood.” They eat? They wear clothes? They live in the house? Then congratulations, they contribute.
What they can do:
✅ Do their own laundry (because you are done being their personal laundress)
✅ Clean a bathroom—yes, even the toilet (if they can aim at it, they can scrub it)
✅ Cook basic meals that involve heat (pasta, grilled cheese, even pancakes—no one’s expecting a five-course meal)
✅ Take care of younger siblings (within reason—don’t leave them in charge of a toddler and expect a happy ending)
✅ Wash the car (or at least attempt to—no guarantees on streak-free windows)
How to make it natural:
Stop micromanaging. If they load the dishwasher, don’t stand there fixing it. If it’s really that bad, they’ll learn when they have to rewash dishes.
Make chores tied to independence. Want to go out with friends? Show you can handle responsibility first.
No “forgetting” allowed. A tween who conveniently “forgets” their chores still remembers every single TikTok trend. Funny how that works. No chores done? No privileges. End of discussion.
You’re teaching life skills. They should know how to function without you doing everything for them. Because at some point, they’re leaving. You’re not raising a fully grown toddler who needs Postmates and a housekeeper to survive.
Chores for Teens (Ages 13+)
This is the home stretch. If they leave your house unable to cook, clean, or do basic adult tasks, guess who is calling you at 25 to ask how to boil water and wash a towel? You can launch a functional human into the world.
What they can do:
✅ Deep clean rooms and common areas (no more shoving stuff under the bed and calling it “done”)
✅ Mow the lawn/shovel snow
✅ Grocery shop with a list
✅ Cook full meals for the family (if they can watch 40 hours of YouTube, they can learn to follow a damn recipe)
✅ Manage their own schedule—schoolwork, activities, deadlines—without you nagging them like a broken alarm clock
How to make it natural:
Tie responsibility to freedom. More independence = more responsibility.
Give them full tasks, not just busywork. “Help make dinner” isn’t the same as “You’re making dinner tonight.” Let them take ownership.
If they mess up, they fix it. They forgot their laundry? Guess who’s wearing dirty socks tomorrow. Welcome to cause and effect.
It’s not “mean” to expect a teenager to cook a meal or clean up after themselves. It’s called parenting. And you don’t need to feel guilty for it. (Here’s how to own your parenting decisions without guilt.)
