Why ‘Good’ Parenting Advice Often Misses the Mark
Ah, “good” parenting advice—the all-too-familiar cocktail of smugness, outdated theories, and impossible standards. It’s the kind of advice that has you questioning if you’re raising a child or prepping for a TED Talk on perfect parenting. These pearls of wisdom often come with zero context, making you feel like you’re failing at a job you never actually applied for.
From self-soothing to screen time bans, these tips ignore the fact that we’re dealing with tiny humans who’ve barely figured out their limbs, let alone their emotions. Here are some of the most hypocritical “rules” we’re told to follow as parents.
In this article:
Babies Need to Be Taught How to Self-Soothe Early
Don’t Co-Sleep With Your Babies
Babies Should Sleep Through the Night
Avoid Screen Time for Your Child Until They’re At Least 2 Years Old
Don’t Pick Up Your Baby Every Time They Cry; You’ll Spoil Them
Stick to a Strict Routine
Only Feed Your Baby Organic, Homemade Food
Avoid Baby Carriers; They’ll Get Too Attached
Use [Specific Parenting Method] To Discipline Your Child
Your Child Should Be Hitting [X] Milestone By [X] Age
The Overwhelm of Parenting Advice
The Reality of Parenting Today
Babies Need to Be Taught How to Self-Soothe Early
This advice expects newborns—who can’t even sit up unassisted—to manage emotions like seasoned therapists. Babies cry because they need comfort, food, or help. Meeting those needs builds trust and emotional security. Emotional independence develops naturally over time.
Meanwhile, we adults still lose our cool over slow Wi-Fi.
Adults often need coregulation too. Sometimes, we just need a hug, a kind word, or someone’s calming presence to get through a rough patch. Why would we expect more from a baby?
Don’t Co-Sleep With Your Babies
Babies are labeled as having “sleep problems” if they need to be near their parents at night. Yet, countless adults prefer sleeping next to the person they love. But hey, it’s completely normal to expect a baby to sleep alone.
Why Co-Sleeping Can Be Positive:
Safe co-sleeping can improve sleep quality for both baby and parent.
It’s a common and effective practice in many cultures worldwide.
It was only because I was co-sleeping with my son that I was able to quickly react to my son’s first seizure in September. In the months prior, I’d heard the advice, “He needs to sleep in his room alone.” Thankfully, I listened to my mommy instincts.
Babies Should Sleep Through the Night
The sleep-through-the-night myth is one of those pieces of advice that should come with a giant asterisk. In fact, trying to get my kid to sleep alone through the night nearly broke me.
Every baby has different sleep patterns and needs, and some naturally wake up for feedings or comfort well beyond the first few months. And guess what? That’s perfectly normal. Sleep training isn’t one-size-fits-all, and rigid expectations can just add to the stress.
Fun fact: it’s biologically normal to wake up during the night. It even helps prevent SIDS in babies. Yet, we’re guilted into thinking that if our baby doesn’t sleep through the night, we’re failing as parents.
And don’t get me started on the whole “don’t feed them in the middle of the night after 4-6 months” rule. I mean, many of us keep a glass of water on our bedside table for those 2 AM thirst emergencies.
Avoid Screen Time for Your Child Until They’re At Least 2 Years Old
In today’s digital age, banning screens entirely until age two is about as realistic as living on Mars. First, screens are everywhere, from the pediatricians’ waiting room to the self-checkout line.
When used wisely, screen time can be beneficial by:
Providing access to educational resources.
Fostering creativity through digital tools.
Enabling social connections across distances.
It offers endless opportunities for learning and entertainment, helping kids develop important digital literacy skills essential in today’s world. And most importantly, they give parents a break.
Use high-quality content when introducing screens to young children. And balance screen time with activities like outdoor play, reading, or arts and crafts.
Don’t Pick Up Your Baby Every Time They Cry; You’ll Spoil Them
Babies cry because they need something. Responding to their cries isn’t spoiling them; it’s parenting. Ignoring a crying baby in the name of avoiding “spoiling” can actually increase their stress and anxiety. Plus, responding to their needs builds trust and security, which is kind of the whole point of this gig, right?
Stick to a Strict Routine
The strict routine mantra sounds good in theory, but life is unpredictable. Trying to adhere to a rigid schedule can sometimes add more stress than it alleviates. Adaptable strategies:
Focus on broad patterns instead of micromanaging every detail.
Prioritize what works for your family, not external expectations.
Flexibility is key—what works one week might not work the next. Kids are unpredictable, and so is life. Roll with it.
Only Feed Your Baby Organic, Homemade Food
This one’s a classic for inducing guilt. Not everyone has the time or resources to whip up organic, homemade meals for every feeding. Scrolling through Instagram, I’m bombarded with advertisements for Cerebelly and Little Spoon, two kid meal subscription services I would use if:
I could justify spending $5-$8 a plate.
I knew my child would actually eat them.
Some babies – like my son – will only eat the food they want, which could be boxed macaroni and powdered cheese for five days straight. Kids go through phases, especially in the early months of trying new foods. The dish he’s obsessed with in October is one he won’t touch in December.
Plus, kids want the same food mommy and daddy eat. It’s hypocritical to stop your child from eating a fry off the pile on your plate. Do what works for you and your family without the pressure.
Avoid Baby Carriers; They’ll Get Too Attached
Babywearing is often seen as a ticket to clingy-ville, but the reality is, it can strengthen the parent-child bond and make daily tasks a lot easier. Attachment and security are healthy for a baby’s development. Different kids have different attachment needs, and babywearing can be a lifesaver.
Use [Specific Parenting Method] To Discipline Your Child
The one-size-fits-all approach to discipline is laughable. Parenting methods should be tailored to individual children and family dynamics. What works for one kid might not work for another. Flexibility and adaptation are the real keys to effective parenting, not rigid adherence to any one method.
Your Child Should Be Hitting [X] Milestone By [X] Age
Comparing kids to rigid milestone benchmarks is a surefire way to drive yourself crazy. Every child develops at their own pace, and stressing over whether they’re hitting milestones “on time” overlooks their unique differences and strengths.
Milestones are guidelines, not deadlines.
A baby with a larger head might take longer to walk due to the challenge of balancing their body. Babies who are frequently talked to may start speaking earlier due to the rich language environment. Celebrate your child’s discoveries and growth instead of ticking off arbitrary boxes.
The Overwhelm of Parenting Advice
We’re inundated with advice. And some value the wrong things, like prioritizing the convenience of a baby sleeping through the night, over what’s actually natural and healthy.
It’s enough to make any parent’s head spin. Imagine how much easier parenting would be if we were told:
“It’s okay to hold your baby as much as you want.”
“It’s okay for them to sleep on you (or in the same room).”
“It’s okay to give in.”
“It’s okay for them to be clingy.”
“It’s okay for them to need you.”
“It’s okay for you to need them.”
But instead, we get bombarded with nonsense like, “Are they sleeping through the night yet?” and “Are they eating 100 new things?”
Newsflash: Sleeping and eating are the least interesting things about my kid.
Why aren’t we asking, “What new things are they discovering?” or “How are they expressing their curiosity today?”
The Reality of Parenting Today
The amount of work required just to do a mediocre job at parenting, housekeeping, and managing life is unreal. Parenting isn’t fun and effortless. At least, not without significant help. The “village” that once existed to help families has faded due to:
Moving away from extended family.
The necessity of two-income households.
The false sense of connection through social media.
So, let’s cut ourselves some slack. The so-called “good” parenting advice often sets us up for failure and guilt. Parenting is hard enough without the pressure to be perfect. Celebrate the small wins, embrace your child’s quirks, and trust that your best is good enough.
At the end of the day, we’re all just doing our best in a world that loves to tell us we’re doing it wrong.
